The First Time

Original poetry. Please do not copy or use without written consent from blog owner.

The first time...
...I felt a flutter of life within me,
...heard a heart beat inside my own,
...saw the outline of a tiny foot trying to break free,
I knew....this is love.

The first time...
...I felt a gentle breath upon my chest,
...heard a pleading infant cry,
...saw big brown trusting eyes search my own,
I knew...this is love.

The first time...
...I felt those tiny fingers grasp my hand,
...heard the broken cadence of my name,
...saw the determination in a single first step,
I knew...this is love.

The first time...
...I felt your tears pierce my soul,
...heard the innocence in your laughter,
...saw the sunshine in your smile,
I knew...this is love.

The first time...
...I felt my soul awaken,
...heard my heart skip a beat,
...saw the miracle of my daughter,
I knew...this is love.

Written January 22, 2009
for my 16 year old daughter, Mallorye

The first time...
...I felt your hand let go of mine,
...heard YOUR heart skip a beat,
...saw that twinkle in your eye,
I knew...this is love.

Last stanza written October 18, 2010
as we were preparing for Mallorye's wedding to Matt

Untitled (for now)

Original poetry. Please do not copy or use without written permission from blog owner.

Lying here in the darkness
I hear your chest rise and fall.
Longing to touch you,
Yet afraid of risking it all.

The voices in my head
Argue with my fate.
Begging me to reach out
Before it's too late.

I wrestle with the demons
Of "what if" and my fears,
I plead with my heart
To stop the flow of tears.

I cry out to God
"is this really fair?"
Wanting to forgive you,
Pretending not to care.

The clock keeps time,
You'll be awake soon.
So I tuck my thoughts away
Into their silent tomb.

Until darkness falls
And the stillness of the night,
Awakens the battle inside of what is truly wrong
And how to make it right.

Written January 21, 2009

Empty

Original poetry. Please do not copy or use without written consent from blog owner.

Thought of you, thought of him,
Now the bottle's my best friend...
Empty the bottle, empty myself,
Empty my heart that's been kept on the shelf.

For too long now,
I've kept it all down deep inside,
But I've got nowhere to run,
And no place left to hide.

So I feed the passion,
the lust, and desire.
I'm empty....
Except for this unquenchable fire.

A forbidden fruit,
A little taste of sin,
'till my heart is empty,
and up on the shelf again.

Written January 17, 2009
in the wee hours of the morning with a couple of good friends

Mother Of A Boy

Original poetry. Please do not copy or use without written consent from blog owner.

Little boy with darkened hair and eyes so big and brown,
Tell me where you got those lips that never wear a frown.
They seem to always point upward as if to reach the sky,
Joy shines across your face and there's sunshine in your eyes.

Hugs and kisses you generously give away,
While your laughter and smiles fill up my whole day.

You share your secrets, dreams, and your pain,
Knowing that mommy is here time and time again.
I've mended hearts and hurts, and even broken toys,
This is just part of the job of being a mother to a boy.

And as I watch you sleeping, seeing how time has flown,
I know our time is special, for soon you'll be all grown.

But you'll always be my baby, mama's pride and joy.
Oh what a privilege to be the mother of a boy.

Written July 1997
During the time Blake was going through multiple surgeries, for Blake.

See Me

Original poetry. Please do not copy or use without written consent from blog owner.

How can I make you understand what's inside of me...
That the person that I am is not who you see?

I am not strong or full of grace.
I'm more than just a pretty face.
I have scars that run deep and cut through my soul,
I've had more pain and tragedy than any one person should know

I cry for no reason at all and laugh at the wrong time,
And on more than one occasion I've been known to speak my mind.

When my eyes darken and I'm filled with rage,
It's then that I'm trying to break out of this cage.
My anger is not directed at you, my victim of circumstance,
I just long to be free from this farce of a dance.

I yearn to run through my field of dreams,
Where happiness isn't so far out of reach.

Look deeper and tell me what you see...
Past my heart, into my soul, can you see me?

Written July 2005

Will You

Original poetry. Please do not use without written consent of blog owner.

Will you still love me at the end of the day,
When all of my demons have come out to play?
Will you still want to hold me when you know the truth,
When the skeletons of my past shake hands with you?

Will you listen to my heart cries when my soul needs to be soothed,
Or will baring all emotion prove too diffictult for you?
Will you be content with the quiet and my need to "be still?"
Will you laugh out loud, cry, can you be real?

Will you still think I'm beautiful when I've had a bad day,
When my temper is raging and I want my own way?
Will you know what to do when my tears start to flow?
Will you make love to me gently, soft, tender, and slow?

Will you be enough to give reason to rhyme,
Will you be the love I've needed for a lifetime?
Will you? Can you? Be all these thing and more,
My best friend, my soul mate, what I've been longing for?

Will you?

Written July 2004

Finding Myself

Original poetry. Please do not copy or use without written consent from blog owner.

Where do you go when the music has played?
What do you do when the magic fades?

When you've danced the last dance at the grandest ball,
Where do you land when there's no place left to fall?

Do you tighten your grip, or just let it go?
Do you burn the mask and just let the tears flow?

Do you strip it away casting off all the old,
Left only with the feelings hidden deep in your soul?

How do you get through the hurt and the scars?
How do you become the person you really are?

Finding yourself in the midst of the pain,
Moving to your own beat and rhythm once again.

written August 2005